Back On Track

So it seems like forever since I have done an update and there have been so many things taking place I really don't know where to begin.

So my two year old is now a precocious three year old and is in school full time. I was really starting to feel bad for her because it seems like caring for Gabe seems to consume so much of our lives that I oftentimes feel like she is forgotten. Sometimes its a little hard to balance being able to give them both the time that they deserve. But now she is in school and she is loving it. I must say I nearly hyperventilated the first day she went. I kept wondering if she would get along with the other kids, if she would make friends just how well she would do in general. And the minute I dropped her off she made me feel foolish for ever having any kind of anxiety. She hopped right out of the car and never even looked back. So much for her missing me.

Then there is little man. He has seemed to just grow right before my eyes. I look at him and I don't see any traces of that tiny baby that was in the ICU with tubes coming from everywhere that had the doctors telling me that he was the sickest baby in the unit. All I see is my miracle. The one that clinically has the diagnosis of Down Syndrome but seems to continuously amaze all of his therapists with just how well he is doing. Its like I live in two worlds. One where I have a child that doesn't have alot of the major issues associated with Down Syndrome (like the heart problems or the extreme low muscle tone, or the problem with keeping down liquids etc) and the other where its the small things that remind me that he does have Down Syndrome (like the fact that he is 10 months old and still hasn't cut any teeth, or the fact that he still isn't pulling up or is hyper extending his back to compensate for the moderate low muscle tone). So the question remains how do you make the two co-exist? I often find myself constantly trying to do things that will help him develop on track without making him feel like his whole life is a Down Syndrome diagnosis.

I have become an expert at simply taking life one day at a time, but sometimes it seems as if I am living two lives in one day. My son is nothing short of amazing. Not because of all that he has accomplished but just because he IS. He has endured so much in such a short time. I mean when we were in the hospital they literally did everything but tell me that he wouldn't make it. And no matter what they thought he had other plans. I think he's decided that he is going to change what Down Syndrome looks, feels and acts like. Its no longer about putting people with the diagnosis in a box because that's simply an impossible task. I've just come to the conclusion that Gabriel is going to do what Gabriel wants to do when GABRIEL is ready to do it.

All Things Gabrielle LaBelle

So this blog is dedicated to first miracle Miss Gabrielle Cydora. With all the focus and attention that Mr. Gabriel gets I sometime feel like Lil Mama doesn't always get all the attention that she deserves. Its those times that I find it challenging to be a single mom but I also try to always keep in mind that God never puts more on you than you can handle. So when I feel like I am not doing as much as I should be then I simply have no other choice than to FIGURE IT OUT!! It seems like she has become this little person overnight. There are things that she says and does that sometimes leave me shaking my head and speechless. Gabe's OT met her the other day and when I walked into the room she asked me how old she was. I told her that she was two and she looked at me in utter amazement and said she thought that based on the way that my daughter was speaking to her she thought that she was at least four. There are times when she is speaking to me that I even have to remind myself that she is only 2. We have this issue with her wanting to talk to Mommy while I am on the phone so everytime that she does it I have to remind her that mommy is "on the phone" and that it's not nice to talk to me at that time. So I was upstairs in her brother's room the other day and I was calling her for her help and she wasn't responding, so I start yelling a little louder well she eventually shows up with her cell phone to her ear and puts her finger to her mouth to shush me and tell me that she was "on the phone". What could I do? I had to wait until she was done with her call.

Every morning she comes into my room to announce to me that she is "woke". Well yesterday, on the way to my room, she overheard her brother in his crib talking. The next thing I know she has gone into his room and I hear her telling him in her best big girl voice "its okay lil man mommy gonna come get you." I swear before I know it my babygirl will be ready for college. It really does seem like yesterday that she was this helpless little baby that depended on me for everything. Now I find myself looking at a smaller version of myself who finds the darndest times to assert her ever growing independence. At that thought alone I have to quote Miss Gabrielle LaBelle and say "Jesus Da Main Line!!"

As you can see my life is never a dull moment. Not with the GForce controlling my life!!

Mommie's Superman

Mr. Gabriel has been busy this week. He seems to be growing like a weed. The doctors tell me that he is only in the 25th percentile but the fact that at 7 months clothes that are a size 12 months seem to be too small tell me something different. In only 7 months time this little boy has taught me so much about life, unconditional love, strength, faith and that miracles come in every form you can think of. Everyday he continues to amaze me and I feel like God has entrusted me with one of the biggest blessings. Sometimes it is a bit overwhelming because when you realize that God has chosen you to nurture one of his miracles you worry that you will somehow mess it up. I have to question why he chose me, seems like there are so many other people more qualified than I, but my Mom always told me that God doesn't make mistakes!

His physical therapist is really pleased with his progress. He is really motivated to move, which sometime can be a not so good thing because he is determined to move even if its not the correct way. But he is doing a FABULOUS JOB..... he's sitting up, rolling all across the room and even starting to try and crawl. His speech therapist loves the way that he controls his drool, moves his lips and is so observant when someone is talking. I get so consumed with all these things that sometimes I forget that this isn't what every mom goes through on a daily basis. I am still in the struggle to try and maintain a healthy balance of allowing him to just be a kid and making sure that everything that he does only continues to help him develop properly.

I think that someone forgot to mention to Gabe that they diagnosed him with DS and that there are certain perceptions of how he is supposed to be. He seems to defy all the odds they continue to try and stack against him. The narrowing in his aorta has totally absolved itself, he obviously has no feeding issues and he is talking up a storm. All the things they wanted to tell me he wouldn't do HE IS DOING!! Gabriel will exceed every limit placed before him. HE is the only one who can control what he will or won't do, not his genetic makeup!

I really believe that Gabriel will change the world! Welcome to my miracle!!!

A Lazy Kind Of Day

So we are getting ready for Mother's Day and hoping that there is some sunshine on that day! Gabe seems to be growing so much right before my eyes. I was in the kitchen on the phone one day last week, while Gabe was on the floor for that coveted TUMMY TIME, and I looked over and my little miracle had turned over from his back to his tummy. Seeing that just made me stop mid sentence and bust out in tears. While that might seem small to most it was huge to me because Gabe just continues to develop right on time. I am determined not to allow him to be defined by his TR21 diagnosis and it seems he is too. God I absolutely adore this child. Ever since that day he has been rolling all over the house. I looked up one day and he was under the bed. His physical therapist told me that he was really determined to start moving and once he started he wouldn't stop, boy was she ever right.

Of course now that means even though I am putting him to sleep on his back he is immediately turning over. So of course I am scared to death of the whole SIDS thing but his pediatrician assures me that if he can turn over he can sleep on his stomach and the risk of SIDS decreases the older he gets. That still doesn't stop me from getting up in the middle of the night and checking on him. And since I can't have any bumpers in the crib that means when he is moving all around at night he inevitably gets his legs stuck between the crib bars and can't get out. Ya gotta love him!

I am sure he'll be up and walking in a few months and then the fun begins. If he is moving around this much just by rolling I can only imagine what is going to happen when he becomes fully mobile. I guess I won't have to go to the gym to lose these pesky last few baby pounds afterall because I am sure they will fall off when I start chasing him all over the house! LOL!

On that note I am going to go and see if the Prince has awakened from his nap. Before I go I just want to share that I am in the process of starting the Gabriel's Blessings Foundation. It is designed to provide a number of resources to those that are diagnosed with Down Syndrome and their families. It will be up and running in a few months and then let the blessings begin!! More on that later my Prince is calling!!!

So I finally got both kids down for the night and I'm trying to drift off when I hear my son snoring like a GROWN MAN! Wow!! Time for him to go in his own room!

Today is a New Day and It's A GREAT One

Okay so yesterday's mini melt-down is over. It's strange how it seemed to have just come out of nowhere. But I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason so I know it was meant to happen. Anyway I woke up this morning feeling much better. Little Man had a really good night last night. He has been sleeping through the night for at least two months now but the constant congestion and his breathing has made it difficult for me to sleep through the night. The doctor's keep telling me that he is too young to have allergies but I say otherwise. I constantly have the humidifier and air purifier running but I can't really say that those things really help. But I keep them on just in case they can make even the slightest bit of difference. I think that I am going to have to remove all the curtains in my house and put blinds up because a friend was telling me just how much dust curtains hold. Oh well its all par for the course I suppose.

Just as I am typing this I can hear my son in there having an in depth conversation with his sister who, in her most motherly voice, instructs him to use his inside voice because she is trying to watch Dora. I find myself constantly listening to him to see if he is making any sounds with consonants instead of just enjoying the beautiful sound of my baby boy's voice. Its little things like this that could become taxing to you if you let it. In having a child that COULD have developmental delays I find myself sometimes losing the ability to just enjoy him being a child because I am so focused on making sure I minimize any type of delay that he may encounter. I feel bad because I can't remember half the things that I did when my daughter was 6 months old and she is only 2. So it makes me wonder if I just wasn't paying enough attention to her at the time. Who knew that it would be this intense all the time? I sure didn't. Oh well God has chosen me for this and since he doesn't make mistakes I am obviously equipped with the tools I need to make it through.

I am glad I had the melt down yesterday because it enabled me to find sites and blogs by people who know EXACTLY what I am going through and have felt the exact same things I am feeling. Its great when you can find people who mirror your thoughts and feelings. Well I just heard lil mama ask her brother "whats the matter lil man" so thats my cue to go investigate. Everyone have a wonderfully blessed day! I am off to enjoy my miracles!!!

Feeling A Little Overwhelmed Today

So today I had a mini melt down. For the first time I am feeling overwhelmed with the whole single motherhood thing. It came out of nowhere. I mean I found out that Gabriel would have down syndrome when I was 7 months pregnant and given that he is 6 months old now you would think that I have had enough time to process it and deal with it right? Well for some reason it just hit me today. I mean REALLY hit me today. And I feel bad for feeling sad about it. Is it wrong for me to not want my baby to have some challenges? Is it wrong for me to be a little stressed about just how much responsibility I have? I mean I feel like every waking moment is supposed to be spent making sure he is doing the things that he is supposed to so that he can continue to develop properly but making sure that I don't make his entire life about developing accordingly.

So far Gabe has done beautifully. I mean he is hitting all of his developmental milestones. He doesn't have any of the major health issues associated with down syndrome but for some reason today I couldn't help but feel like at some point he was going to reach that proverbial "developmental delay" that children with down syndrome could have and I couldn't help but wonder just how strong and optimistic I would be then. Then I had to ask myself is this a sign that my faith isn't as strong as I thought? Does this mean that I am not as "okay" with my son's diagnosis as I would like to believe I am? God knows I adore my son and would lay down my life for him and that's exactly why I am feeling this tremendous amount of guilt for even feeling overwhelmed.

I have a two year old who has an endless amount of energy and sometimes I feel like I am so focused on my son that I don't give her the time that she needs. Maybe he was right, maybe it was irresponsible of me to have a child and putting myself in the position to have to raise two kids by myself. How am I going to do this? I know everyone is going to say Pray but sometimes that is just easier said then done. It's funny but all of these emotions were set off by the simplest thing today. All day long my son was doing that tongue thrusting thing that many children with DS do and for some reason it was that in particular that REALLY made me realize that my son has DS.

Tomorrow will be a better day IT HAS TO BE. Afterall I am responsible for raising two of God's biggest miracles. But today I have to admit that I am feeling OVERWHELMED!!